Hall's Hijinks

Picture Choice Fail

2009-02-16T17:34:00.000-08:00

Roberto Alomar (allegedly) has AIDS. Not funny.
However, the picture paired with this news blurb makes it impossible not to laugh:

ROFLFAIL!

Sex Offender?

2009-02-10T18:28:00.001-08:00

I found this during my weekly search for sex offenders at Texas State University:

OMG!

This person is apparently able to shape shift, is known by about twenty aliases and committed almost every sex offense known to man.

Epic fail for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.

Words that sound cool, but really aren't

2009-02-08T20:54:00.000-08:00

Huguenot

Sounds like: a 25th century space marine with a flame thrower on one arm and a diamond-tipped buzz saw on the other.

Used in a sentence: The Huguenots mercilessly destroyed the denizens of the Kraktyk nebula with alarming ferocity and lack of conscience.

What it really is: Members of the Protestant Reform Church of France from the sixteenth to the eighteenth centuries.

Used in a sentence: Many Huguenots were unfortunately slaughtered in the St. Bartholomew's Day massacre in 1572.

Ramekin

Sounds like: A small rodent indigenous to central Zaire whose saliva is poisonous enough to kill the world's population three times over.

Used in a sentence: That guy is stupid because he just ate a ramekin.

What it really is: a small bowl used for the serving of foods dishes. Many restaurants serve sides of dressing in them.

Used in a sentence: That guy is stupid because he just ate a ramekin.

Milquetoast

Sounds like: A fancy dish that over-privileged white people such as myself eat at French restaurants in order to thumb our noses at poor families the world over who could feed a family of six for a year for the menu price of one serving of milquetoast.

Used in a sentence: Milquetoast is especially delicious considering the famished stares of that vagabond outside who watching me. Hahahahaha! Let's give more of our hard-earned money to Bernie Madoff so he can Ponzi scheme us back to the Stone Age!

What it really is: A very timid, unassertive, spineless person.

Used in a sentence: Bob was a milquetoast because he put his money into mutual funds instead of engaging in Bernie Madoff's high stakes Ponzi scheme.

Clandestine

Sounds like: A brand of super anti-depressants known to turn people like Friedrich Nietzche into giddy little schoolgirls.

Used in a sentence: Kevin's mom was miserable because married an old man just for the money, so she started taking Clandestine and all her problems (except for that little affair with Ernesto, the cabana boy) magically went away.

What it really is: An adjective, meaning characterized by, done in, or executed with secrecy or concealment.

Used in a sentence: Kevin had to make sure the clandestine meetings of his club were kept underground, because if the kids at Penn State found out that he was the president of the Altoona chapter of the Miley Cyrus fan club, he would surely be banned from his fraternity.

The Bathroom is for Pooping

2009-01-13T10:18:00.000-08:00

The loo is for bodily functions, not for dumping Chicken of the Sea in the sink.

Every day, an anonymous mystery man of mysteriousness decides to drain his tuna can in the sink of the men's bathroom on the second floor of the Moudy Building.

First of all, this man must be a human thermometer due to the toxic levels of mercury that this must put in his diet. I am worried for his personal safety.

More importantly, I don't know what kind of 1960s fallout shelter tuna this man eats, but the smell takes over the entire second floor with the blitzkreiging might of a well-trained German Panzer division.

I don't poop in your kitchen. Please don't bring food into the bathroom. Or at least buy tuna that's fit for human consumption.

Common courtesy is the name of the game.